How to Write Wedding Vows You Will Actually Mean (Without Staring at a Blank Page)

The moment someone decides to write their own wedding vows, one of two things happens. Either they open a document and words come tumbling out, or they sit there for three weeks staring at a cursor feeling completely blank and increasingly stressed.

If you are in the second group, this is for you. I have helped a lot of couples through the vow-writing process and the block is almost always the same thing: people think their vows need to be more than they are. They do not. Here is how to write vows that actually sound like you.

Start With Specifics, Not Feelings

The biggest mistake people make when writing vows is leading with general statements about love. 'You are my best friend and my greatest adventure' is something that could apply to almost anyone. It is not wrong, it just is not memorable.

Start instead with something specific. A moment. A detail. The exact thing they did or said that made you certain. One genuine specific detail is worth twenty lines of beautiful but vague sentiment.

Think about: the moment you knew. The thing they do that drives you slightly crazy but you would miss immediately. The specific way they show up for you that nobody else does. The inside joke that would confuse every single person in that room except the two of you.

There Is a Structure That Works

Vows generally work well in three parts: where you have been together, where you are right now, and what you are committing to going forward. You do not have to follow this structure but it gives you something to push against if you are stuck.

The first part is your story. Pick one or two specific moments, not a full history. The night you got engaged, the first trip you took together, the boring Tuesday that somehow became significant. One real moment is better than a chronological summary.

The second part is who they are to you right now. Again, specific over general.

The third part is your promises. Make them real and make them yours. The funniest vows I have ever heard at a ceremony were a couple who promised each other things like 'I promise to always let you have the good parking spot' alongside genuinely moving commitments. Both parts of that landed because the couple was completely themselves.

How Long Should Vows Be?

One to two minutes when read aloud. That is around 150 to 250 words. Long enough to mean something, short enough that you are not reading an essay to your partner in front of everyone they know.

Read them out loud before the ceremony. Every time. It is completely different reading something aloud than reading it on paper, and you want to know where the emotion is going to hit before it hits in front of 80 people.

Should Both Vows Match in Length?

Ideally yes, within reason. One person delivering two sentences and the other reading for four minutes creates an awkward imbalance in the room. They do not need to be identical in structure, just roughly similar in weight.

What If I Am Going to Cry?

You are going to cry. Accept this and plan for it. Read the vows out loud so many times that you could deliver them half-asleep. The more familiar they are, the easier it is to get through them when the emotion hits. Pausing is fine. Taking a breath is fine. Crying while you say them is fine and honestly quite lovely.

Can My Celebrant Help?

Yes!
Every package I offer that includes personal vows includes support through the writing process. If you send me a brain dump of thoughts and feelings with no structure, I can help you shape it. If you are genuinely stuck, I can ask you the right questions to get you unstuck. You write them, I just help move things along if needed.

The best vows are not the most poetic.
They are the most true. Write something that sounds like you on your best day, about someone specific, and you will be fine.